A Vivid Memory

I got off the charter bus to find my mom already waiting in the parking lot.  Usually, I called my parents before they came to get me.  She helped me load my bags into the car, and then asked my best friend if she would like a ride home.  I remember feeling happy to be home from Colorado, remembering all the hijinx and fun things that had gone on the past few days with my high school band.  Relieved to be able to sleep in my own bed. 

I sat in the passenger's seat and my mom handed me a box.  It was perfectly square and wrapped to perfection, like someone had taken their time, very carefully folding the paper, tying the bow.  I looked at her with a puzzled face and unwrapped the gift.  Inside was a figurine of an angel with the sweetest, saddest face. 

I looked at my mom and asked "What is this for?" 
Her voice broke and said "You have an angel watching over you now.  Your grammy passed away while you were gone."

I don't remember much after that.  Just that we sat in the parking lot for a few minutes with my mom and my best friend holding me while I sobbed.

My grandma was my second mother.  She took care of me when my parents were absent, and made sure I didn't know any different.  I even called her 'mom' sometimes when I was little.  She had been sick in the hospital for a while, but no one ever conveyed to me just how sick she was.  I'll never stop feeling guilty about not being there when it happened.  Or a tinge of anger for no one being truthful with me.  She was the person I had been closest to in this world, and she was gone.  From this, I learned something about the world.  I can't put my finger on it, and I don't know if I will ever be able to.