Posts (page 2)

Of myself.  Go.  Please. ^_^

I wish I were one of those people with very few interests and knew exactly what they wanted to pursue in life.

I am not one of those people.

It's not like I don't want to do anything with my life.  It's that I want to do TOO MUCH.  I want to help people and make a difference, but I also love to be creative.  Problem is, I also want to be comfortable financially and not worry about how to make ends meet.  So I'm trying to figure out a way to do it all, but it's driving me nuts!

I'm trying to work out a tentative plan, which is very if.... then... Because I have to make something happen, but I have to wait a while to see if it will take effect and allow me to get where I wanna be.

For instance:

-IF I want to get into social work and take on issues such as family violence, THEN I need to get educated
-IF I want to get educated on social work, THEN I need to make sure I want to go back to school
-IF I want to go back to school, THEN I need to make sure I like what I'm going back for, and volunteer somewhere (i.e. SafePlace Austin)

-and-

-IF I want to start a photography portait business, THEN I need some experience and a portfolio
-IF I want more experience in photography, THEN I need a new digital camera THEN I need some education, THEN maybe get a new mentor

See what I mean?

I know it's all a matter of just doing it, but things like time and money get factored in and it really makes things difficult.  I dunno, what do you think?  Should I pursue these all at the same time?  Should I take on one at a time?  Should I abandon it all?  Ugh, I just don't know.

And my whole trip was clouded over by bad travel.

I will never fly with United ever again, and I urge you not to as well.  They fucked up my flights and lost my luggage.  Plus, the last day I got really sick, and it took over 9 hours for me to get back to Austin.

I was very glad to see my friend Melissa, and get to know her boyfriend, Joseph a little better.  And the things I got to do were really neat, including:

-having my first subway ride
-seeing Brooklyn Bridge and Manhattan Bridge in DUMBO at the same time
-seeing the Statue of Liberty from a distance
-Seeing Times Square at night
-visiting the Metropolitan Museum of Art
-eating New York pizza
-walking/shopping 5th Avenue (FAO Schwartz!)
-walking through/shopping in Greenwich Village
-seeing Rockerfeller Center and its Christmas tree
-seeing St. Patrick's cathedral
-seeing Washington Square/NYU/the Bluenote Cafe
-New Year's Eve on a rooftop with a view to 2 fireworks shows
-seeing Union Square
-a Consumeet with Des
-getting a nice cheap manicure

I ate a lot and walked even more.  I had Ethiopian food for the first time, and almost got my nose pierced.  (Which I more than likely will do now that I'm back in Austin and getting over my cold.)  Aside from my travel woes, it was a jam packed, experience filled, 1st trip to New York.  I can't wait to go back, knowing what I know now, and I'm definitely taking Damion with me next time.  He's already been informed of this ^_^

New York, you're a great place to visit, but I'll never live in your city.  Cheers!

The last 2 days I went to volunteer at a local women's shelter called SafePlace.  I've been to events, and been involved with them before, but I've never volunteered with them directly.  So I decided to help out a couple of days on my lunch hour. 

I was pretty impressed with their setup. They have a huge warehouse, a center for operations, and then next to it all, they have what looks like an apartment complex, so all of the advocates have a place to live while they're hiding out.  A "safe place" to call their own.  Plus, it's surrounded by a huge black fence and have multiple security gates.  It's awesome.  If I ever had to hide, I would feel safe there.  They're hard to find, which is good, and they don't post their addess on their website.  Also good, in case psycho husbands or babydaddies try to hunt the advocates down. 

All I did was help out in the warehouse, help sort items that had been donated.  Let me tell you, people really get it together during the holiday season, because that warehouse was full!  Full of toys, full of toilety supplies, full of everything.  Also, I've never seen more Candyland games all in one place! 

Now, the reason I volunteered is because I believe I'm suffering a quarter life crisis.  I'm still wondering about things like "what's my purpose?  i feel like i should be making a difference... i need to do good things while I'm here on earth.. yadda yadda yadda..."  Now, I'm no stranger to volunteering my time.  For 4 years I taught kickboxing and other martial arts and wasn't paid.  So basically between 3-10 hours a week for 4 years I volunteered.  I know it's not really the traditional type of volunteering people think of, but still.  I was helping people better themselves, learn to defend themselves, and better their lives in general. 

Now, there's one thing that I get my panties in a wad about.  I'm not a very politically motivated person in general.  I've never felt strongly about a cause, enough to put my time towards it.  Except for this:  I DO NOT STAND FOR ANY KIND OF ABUSE TOWARD WOMEN.

Maybe this stems from my martial arts background, and gaining the confidence to know better, but there is never a reason to hit a woman.  There is no reason to emotionally abuse her either.  I don't care if you were drunk, I don't care if you have anger issues.  There is never a reason for a woman to be scared inside her own home, or scared of someone who is supposed to love her.  The only fight I've ever tried to break up was because a guy was kicking a woman in the face while she was on the ground.  It was the most messed up thing I'd ever seen in my life.  I myself have never been in an abusive relationship, and I've only been in one physical fight with an S.O.  But I believe every woman should feel safe.  Period.

Now, seeing how passionately I feel about this issue, I feel like I should be putting some effort into it.  So, I volunteered a couple of hours at this place, and I think I'm going to make it a regular thing this spring.  Eight hours a month is nothing.  Then who knows... maybe it'll show me what I need to be doing with myself.  

I love writing, and I love graphic design, and I love being creative.  But I'm not doing so good making it my living.  And I'm honestly not motivated enough to run my own business.  So, even though I change my mind about what I want to do with my life every month, right now I'm saying I'm thinking about going back to school for Social Work.  I know it's not a very lucrative profession, but considering the type of personality that I have, I don't think I was ever cut out for the cut throat world of advertising. 

I'm fine in my placeholder job right now, and I have a 4 year degree.  I don't know how I'd pay for school, but it's not anywhere close in my future, so I'll take some time and maybe save some money, get settled.  I have to take care of getting my S.O. here with me, get him back in school, and get him out of school, before I can really think of going back myself.  PLUS, I'm 25K in debt because of college.  Lots of logistical thinking to do.  So, it's not a bad thing I can't do anything yet.  But I think volunteering is a good start.  

Ok, this is going to sound really horrible of me, but don't act like you don't have them.

You know those friends you've got, but you haven't really kept in contact with, and it doesn't really bother you much that you don't?

You know those friends who you will spend time with, but usually only in a group setting.

You know those friends who you are not sure you even really like, but they're friends with another friend and so you feel like you have to be their friend too or at least civil to them?

YEAH those friends!

Ok, let's say one of those said friends, who you've never really hung out with outside of an organization before, offers to take you to the airport.  No one else closer to you is available.  Would you suck it up and just let them?  Despite how awkward it's going to be?  You'd probably hope someone else came along right?  And use them as a last resort.  Please say yes.  Because I may have to.  Oy. 

Last night I had a dream that a guy who looked and sounded a lot like Hugh Jackman hit on me.  The crazy part?  He looked like Hugh Jackman, AS WOLVERINE.

I can't remember all of the dream, just the part revolving around this guy.  I was at Chipotle ordering tacos (which I totally never do), and they screwed something up, and I argued with them for a bit.  There was the guy at the end of the line paying for his food.  I caught his glance and laughed and shook my head.  So I get my food to go, and

Hugh_jackman1_300_400

start walking towards my car.  I'm walking pretty hurriedly because of the whole incident, and I was irritated.  I barely think about anything else, except that I have this feeling I need to take care of something.  I'm almost to my car and I hear "excuse me, excuse me Miss!"  And I turn around thinking it's a Chipotle employee.  Well, it's the guy, and he flat out asks me for my phone number. 

(ok, let's make something clear.  i'm not single in walking reality, but i'm dreaming about a guy that is hot and looks like a comic book character.  cut me some slack, ok?)

So here's the interesting part of my subconscious.  I agree and I start trying to write down my phone number.  I can't find a good piece of paper to write it on.  When I do, the pen runs out of ink.  When I get a better pen, I mess up my phone number, when I get the phone number right, I get the paper wet.  The whole time I'm doing this, I'm watching myself making small talk with this guy about 8 feet away from me.

So I finally give the Hugh Jackman look-alike my phone number.  My friend Melissa finds me and tells me we need to go pick up all my scattered photography equipment from the park next door.  And lo and behold there's all this photography equipment scattered or in boxes in the park.  So we pick it up and get ready to haul it off.

That's all I really remember, except somewhere in the dream I make friends with the band members of Incubus.  Which I totally would have geeked out about a couple of years ago.  But since I'm not such an avid fan anymore I guess, when I met them in the dream, I treated them like I would regular people.  Like, I wasn't star struck.  Strange.

Music-incubus-3

But they apparently thought I was pretty cool for this, because they gave me tickets and travel for me and another person to the rest of their shows on tour so I could hang out with them.  It was a pretty vivid part of the dream, and included waify groupies and everything!  Ha!

As I get older, I'm believing more and more in the fact that life has balances. It seems through my experience, for every bad thing that happens to you, and equally good thing happens. Some of us never see the bad, some of us never see the good. Sometimes it ties in with karma.

Yin-yang

I guess I just need to remind myself.

I've just been thinking about it alot lately, reflecting on life. It must have something to do with the holidays and crap. I've had a lot of shitty things happen to me, but in the past I've failed to see how they balance out with the good things that happen to me later. I want to remedy this in an older, wiser, adult-ish fashion. I know, I know, it's alot to shoot for.

I once upon a time wanted a tattoo that incorporated yin and yang for the sole purpose of reminding me, no matter how bad things get, something will come along to balance it out.  Maybe I'll note it for a second tattoo.  Now I just gotta buck up and get the first.

But not always how you might think we do...

DSCN2882

Yay for Thanksgiving.  It amazes me that even though our family gatherings seem to get smaller every year, they still create fond memories for my family.  My little cousins are no longer little, they're all teenagers.  I think that's the craziest part.  One of them may even get married before I do.  Ha!  But I don't think I could ever live in Brazoria County ever again, because after a couple of days, I'm ready to be off on my own again.

In other news, it seems the drama has subsided.  People have conceded and accepted the things that they cannot change.  Thank god, because Wayne Brady was ready to choke a bitch.

I wonder if anyone has really read these yet... Should I market myself a little better?  I guess I have to tell people elsewhere besides MySpace.

Victorias_secret

Ok, I know people who work in retail don't get paid a whole lot.  I know the stereotypes about them perhaps not attending college, or even maybe being a current college or high school student.  That's cool.  But you would think that some of them may have learned a little bit of social interaction.  You know, like, what's appropriate to say to a stranger. 

I was walking in the mall with my boyfriend.  We weren't there to buy anything in particular, just kill some time before our movie.  We walk by Victoria's Secret and I ask him if he wants to go inside.  *nudge nudge giggle giggle*  So we walk in and the little girl at the panty bin greets us:

"Hi welcome to Victoria's Secret.  What brings you here today?"

I. Was. Stunned.  I mean, seriously, what do you say to that? 

"Well, we were interested in having lots and lots of sex."

"Well, we're trying to make another baby so we'll qualify for welfare."

"I was looking for something for my 8 year old neice."

"I was looking for something for him."

Jesus H. Christ.  Someone please teach our children how to interact with others.